Ever feel like the universe is continually testing you? It never seems to stop, shit keeps coming at you? You are at your wits end, and you wonder when it will ever stop?! You have
been incorporating these life lessons into your spiritual practice, but you still encounter even more resistance, hurdles, problems, and detours as you move forward. You try acting from your heart, and not your ego, but we’re human at the end of the day. We reach a snapping point, where we just can’t take it anymore. Like FUCK YOU. Leave me alone. Cut the shit. And fuck off. I. have. been. there. And I have been there recently. It would take a novel to explain how challenging my life has been this past year.
I am a sagittarius and I have a fire that burns inside of me. This fire loves intensely, has fun intensely, and can feel anger intensely. The good thing about my personality is that I feel emotions quick and deep, then I release them fast and forgive and move forward. But boy, I have felt some intense rage, intense disappointment, intense sadness, intense anxiety, and despair a lot this year and I would LOVE for the negativity to stop. I feel like the universe is having one big joke at my expense sometimes.
I want to let you guys know that it is okay to feel your feelings. Spirituality is not pretending you are in a good mood 24/7. As an empath, I pick up on people’s energy. I know what people are feeling. We are always masking and suppressing our feelings because we fear judgement from others. When we see people and they ask how our day is going we will 99/100 times simply say “Good”, when what we mean to say is, “I am having the shittiest day of my life.” How is that for a truth bomb? I have been guilty of this. I simply say "I'm Good" when really I feel like the walls are crumbling around me and I am not gaining any ground. I wear this mask to keep people from feeling what I’m feeling. And as I’m saying this, I am realizing that I need to cut it out. I need to stop saying “Good” when I could be more honest, more real.
Part of spirituality and part of reaching a good mood is going through pain, going through anger, getting pissed off, being so hurt you don’t think you can wake up in the morning, it’s going through these things and rising above it (eventually) and using the techniques in our spiritual tool belt instead of unhealthy coping mechanisms. Anytime we go through something traumatic and sad whether it is infidelity, losing a parent, or someone in your family is diagnosed with an awful disease, when these things happen and THEY WILL HAPPEN because it is a part of this human life, we must sit with these feelings and the pain. Act out your feelings from your heart or ego, whatever you need to get through it, just know that the experience is going to be a part of your spiritual tool belt. If your path is more difficult it is because your calling is much higher. You are meant to be a healer in some capacity. The most powerful healers in the world have been through some of the most traumatic experiences. They know how to transmute it into empathy, and love for everyone around them. As a healer, there is an intuitive knowing that everything is going to be alright. Holding onto this hope through the dark night of the soul might be your one saving grace. I am thankful for my hard times and difficulties. Usually not in the midst, but in hindsight. I can always see and understand why an event had to happen like it did. It is because I have experienced the negative aspects of life, that I can truly be grateful and happy for the many blessings I do have. I have seen the Yin and Yang of life. I understand it and its purpose. I can get high off of life because I know what it feels like to feel immense dark pain. And I also know how to feel immensely high joy.
So let me say again, if your path is more difficult it is because your calling is much higher.
All the bad things I’ve gone through have led me to this moment, right here speaking with you. So the friendly reminder that spirituality is not being in a good mood 24/7 is important. Life is not all "love and light". Sometimes we need to flip out, be irrational, and just go through our thoughts. We have to feel and release these thoughts. The key is to have methods for releasing these feelings in healthy ways. Sometimes it needs to be addressed to the person who is the cause of the suffering. Sometimes we need to vocalize ourselves and say ‘Fucking stop man. Cut the shit out.’ Or someone may need to be removed from your life who brings a lot of chaos and negativity to your space. When you do this and release your emotions you will feel so much better. Speak your truth, but do no harm.
Being spiritual and an empath doesn’t mean you don’t feel anger, disappointment, or sadness. In fact, I’d like to argue we feel it all the more intensely. The difference between a person on the path of awakening and transformation and a person who does no spiritual work on themselves, is that the person doing the personal growth work can feel and release and move forward. The latter harbors those feelings inside, suppressing, and letting that toxic energy create disease and bringing an overall lower vibration to their body. And they end up feeling like shit for many many years unless they stop that cycle.
So in a nutshell: It is okay to be spiritual AF and still lose your shit! All stars in the galaxy had to combust to become what they are today. You are energy in motion. Go for a drive and scream at the top of your lungs. Have a deep sob in the bathtub. Do what you need to do to feel and release, re-pattern, and move forward with strength and determination to make the most out of this life. You are worth it. You are love and light, but you are also anger and frustration. You are everything, and yet nothing but your breath and the life force. So take a deep breath and say “Na-ma-ste” or “Get the fuck out of my face while while I balance these chakras”, whatever is needed to move you to where you want to be.
Remember, you are Spiritual AF! Don't let the weight of the world keep you down for long!